Osomatsu-San X Reader: Maid for This CH1

CH 1: Eh, Fuck Em’

You always had to wait for the automatic doors of the convenience store to slowly open before you could walk out, you felt it was a hassle; deciding that regular push-pull doors would be much faster. Especially when you were carrying such precious cargo on this hot summer day.

You had managed to drag one of your friends, Osomatsu, out of his house, knowing fresh air would be good for his NEET lifestyle. Of course you could only bribe such a lazy person, to go outside, with snacks; and what better snack to eat in the summer than ice cream?

After paying for your frozen treats at the counter, you hurriedly walk towards those dreadfully slow doors, almost crashing into them before they have the chance to open, earning a snide remark from Osomatsu.

“Ahh, I see how it is (Your name)! You have me pay for the ice cream, then run away! So cold!” He catches up to you and playfully puts his hand on your shoulder.

“You hush! Most of these are for you and your brothers anyways.” You stop and let the doors resume opening before stepping through them and into the dry summer heat. “We should pick up the pace though.” You say, lifting up a hand and shielding your eyes from the sun.

“Yeah, it’d be a shame if the ice cream melted.” Osomatsu smiles, grabbing the bag of various ice cream snacks from you and digging through it, finally deciding on an ice cream sandwich. You shake your head at him as you watch him pull off the wrapper.

“You can’t wait till we get to your house? Everyone will be disappointed in you if they found out their piece-of-shit older brother ate all the ice cream!” You laugh as he happily sinks his teeth into the sweet ice cream sandwich flesh.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you,” he pauses mid sentence to finish his bite of ice cream sandwich “they’re all out today.” He takes another bite. “It’s just you and me~” he jokingly winks, ice cream sandwich smudged on the corners of his mouth. You look at him for a moment before putting your hands on your temples.

“Yeah...I’m so…” you pause as if trying to find the right word “...Lucky” You jokingly give him a disgusted look, earning back a laugh while he throws his ice cream sandwich wrapper in a nearby trashcan as you both keep walking towards the Matsuno homestead.

After a bit more of walking in the stifling heat you caved in and reached into the ice cream bag, getting your own ice cream sandwich. You become consumed with guilt as you quickly peel off the wrapper and eye the ice cream.

“What happened to waiting till we get to my house, huh? Have you changed your mind about sharing too?” Osomatsu smirks as you take a bite.

“Yeah, fuck em’ let’s eat these all ourselves.” You say, all the guilt leaving your body like when someone blows up a balloon and lets it fly freely away with a majestic PPFFFLLBBTHHHH sound.

“There’s a reason we get along so well!” Osomatsu grins and puts an arm around your shoulder, using his other arm to get another ice cream. You happily smile at him, nodding your head in agreement. “Ah you know what would be fun? We should see who can eat the most ice cream!” he says, holding up the bag of ice cream.

“Aww yeah man! You’re on! My mom may have raised a quitter, but she sure as hell didn’t raise someone who doesn't like ice cream!” You excitedly proclaim while you pump your fist in the air, ready for the challenge.

Osomatsu puts his arms behind his head, tilting it back, and smirks. “Should we make this into a bet then? Since you’re so confident!”

You figure the challenge isn’t too hard, especially for an ice cream connoisseur such as yourself, plus the penalty probably won't be too bad. But you’re surely going to inquire about it, you don’t want to have to do something like wear Karamatsu’s clothes for the day, you’d never want to look at yourself again.

“Yeah, why not? What are the stakes? I’m just saying it now, I’m not agreeing if there’s a possibility I have to wear Karamatsu’s clothes.” You shiver, remembering the tank top with his own face on it. It was very...Painful. You two finally reach the Matsuno homestead in the midst of your conversation, Osomatsu opening the door and heading in, you following right behind him, then closing the door once you get inside.

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m not THAT evil!” Osomatsu retorts, setting the bag of ice cream down on a coffee table and sitting down on the floor. You eye him skeptically and sit down next to him.

You shake your head at him, “Anyways If I win,” you pause pondering what would be a fitting punishment for Osomatsu if he lost the challenge, “you have to be my butler for a while!”. Even though you feel the butler thing is a little cliché, you would love to see Osomatsu wear something fancy, like a tailcoat. Not to mention you wouldn’t have to clean your house for a while.

He raises his eyebrows “Really? I didn’t know you were into that~”, you glare at him for a second before shaking your head at him.

“If you keep that shit up, my first order will be for you to walk on hot coals.” You deadpan as your eyes stare into his soul.

He shrugs off your (kind of) threat flashing you a confident smile and saying “Ah that won't happen! Cause I’ll win, and you’ll have to be my maid!”

“Really? I didn’t know you were into that.” You say in a mock tone of his voice, attempting to get him back for earlier.

Osomatsu smirks and quickly responds “Ahh, innocent (Your name)! I’m into alot of th-” you cut him off.

“I don’t need to be hearing this! Let’s start the contest already! You stupid pervert!” You blush a little bit, earning laughter from Osomatsu; his laughter fueling your burning need to beat him in the competition.

Since the stakes have now been set, he dumps the various ice creams out of the bag and onto the table, then dividing them into two equal piles. Each of you has about six ice creams to eat, ranging from fudgesicles to push-ups. You each scoot your piles in front of you and count down from three, upon reaching one you both start chowing down in hopes of beating the other.